Facing an Identity Crisis

Let's talk about identity crisis! Who's been there, and wondered what on earth has befallen them?

I've had several over the years.

• After having a baby and being a stay-at-home mum for a year, when all I wanted was be out there in the world and work.
• After moving to Australia, the famed 'trailing spouse syndrome'.
• Again after my divorce, having to suddenly define my own priorities in life and noticing that I had forgotten what they even were.
• Walking away from the work & project I loved and nurtured more than anything in my life ever before. Leaving for a number of good reasons, but with a broken heart.

Every time, there was grief over what was lost. Anger, sadness, definitely fear. And that feeling of wanting to rush back to 'normal' as quickly as possible. As if it was wrong to pause, reflect, feel... acknowledge.

In my recent series of expat interviews, one lady shared that one of her biggest a-ha moments when seeking professional help in her 'trailing spouse syndrome' crisis was that it was okay not to be okay. That maybe nothing was inherently wrong with her for not adjusting to the 'new normal' within days of her arrival.

They say that a relocation (and that's not even an international one) is as much of a shock to your system as a death among friends or family. In such a scenario, no-one would expect you to be 'just fine', would they? But packing up your life, the love for your people, your career and your kids and uprooting all of it at once is supposed to be a walk in the park...

When did it become the norm to expect ourselves to just 'get over it' when profound, earth shattering shifts happen in our lives? I know I did that to myself more than once. If you've ever lost yourself and couldn't find yourself anymore, that's you, too. As a mum, a partner, a friend or child. In a career transition or relocation. In a relationship with someone you deeply love. Or loved.

Here's to making time to put the pieces back together. Taking the broken bits and the glorious ones, and creating a most beautiful mosaic...

Curious for more musings? Watch the video below...