Facing an Identity Crisis

Henrike Schreer • June 23, 2020

Let's talk about identity crisis! Who's been there, and wondered what on earth has befallen them?


I've had several over the years.

  • After having a baby and being a stay-at-home mum for a year, when all I wanted was be out there in the world and work.
  • After moving to Australia, the famed 'trailing spouse syndrome'.
  • Again after my divorce, having to suddenly define my own priorities in life and noticing that I had forgotten what they even were.
  • Walking away from the work & project I loved and nurtured more than anything in my life ever before. Leaving for a number of good reasons, but with a broken heart.


Every time, there was grief over what was lost. Anger, sadness, definitely fear. And that feeling of wanting to rush back to 'normal' as quickly as possible. As if it was wrong to pause, reflect, feel... acknowledge.


In my recent series of expat interviews, one lady shared that one of her biggest a-ha moments when seeking professional help in her 'trailing spouse syndrome' crisis was that it was okay not to be okay. That maybe nothing was inherently wrong with her for not adjusting to the 'new normal' within days of her arrival.


They say that a relocation (and that's not even an international one) is as much of a shock to your system as a death among friends or family. In such a scenario, no-one would expect you to be 'just fine', would they? But packing up your life, the love for your people, your career and your kids and uprooting all of it at once is supposed to be a walk in the park...


When did it become the norm to expect ourselves to just 'get over it' when profound, earth shattering shifts happen in our lives? I know I did that to myself more than once. If you've ever lost yourself and couldn't find yourself anymore, that's you, too. As a mum, a partner, a friend or child. In a career transition or relocation. In a relationship with someone you deeply love. Or loved.


Here's to making time to put the pieces back together. Taking the broken bits and the glorious ones, and creating a most beautiful mosaic...



Curious for more musings? Watch the video below...

The Key to Self-Love

By Henrike Schreer • March 3, 2021
If you are on a journey of self-discovery and growth, following a major decision or shift in your life such as a major move, divorce, becoming a mother or dealing with the aches of an empty nest... you will have inevitably crossed paths with the concept of self-love . And whilst you might be on board with the idea and even keen to implement it, you might be wondering: How do I love myself properly? And how do I know that I'm doing it right? I remember when this first became a thing for me... I just couldn't figure out how I would know if I did! All I knew was: I'm pretty confident, proud of what I'm doing and mostly like who I am. On a normal day, anyway... I don't feel that buying more stuff or having a bath with rose petals and prosecco will do the trick (not even in a spa in Bali) I don't want to go and spend tons of money on indulging myself with things I don't need

Quit the Drama Cycle

By Henrike Schreer • February 24, 2021
The 'Drama Cycle' or 'Drama Triangle' is a brilliant concept that can help explain conflict and social dynamics within difficult relationships in your family or at work. Have a look at the different roles you might be playing in different situations...
Show More